went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A bitchslap is in order.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
