The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
