just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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