i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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