I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
