Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
