Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
