so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
