It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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