I love black thongs
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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