When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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