i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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