He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
