After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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