Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Randomize
