I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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