she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
