My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
