i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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