Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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