There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
