made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
