Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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