Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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