I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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