My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
