Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
