but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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