dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
