Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
