Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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