dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
