it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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