Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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