when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
