no, he came in my armpit
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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