Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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