I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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