So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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