I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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