I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
