He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
