God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my moral compass just broke
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
