They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
