Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
