I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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