Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
