By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
