he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
