He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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