Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
