I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
