I faked an abortion last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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