Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
