He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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