Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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