She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
