In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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