I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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