John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
