i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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