They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
