So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
