I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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