Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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