It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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