Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
