i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
