I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've blown a few things in my day
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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