My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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