Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
