Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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