What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
