i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
