My first STD was from a foam party
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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