dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
