Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
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I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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