Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
